Why am I so negative?

i am getting married to a wonderful man on 10/4. We are paying for this wedding mostly ourselves. We have a caterer ($3500), photog ($1500) DJ ($600) Flowers (??? - Costco) and a Limo ($600), Church ($525), and all of the other things like: my intimates under my dress, the alterations, the gifts for the groomsmen/bridesmaids, the centerpieces, bridal shower, etc ... the list goes on.



All I have ever wanted in my whole life is to be married, and to be someone's wife. We have 5 months to get this together, and on top of that, there are the regular everyday bills, car payment, rent, etc. I get so pissed off because I can't forsee how we can pay for everything.



My negativity is killing him. I don't know how to have a more positive attitude. We have cut as much costs as we can, and gotten the cheapest of everything without it being "chinsy".

This wedding HAS to happen on the specifc day because I have family coming in from out of state. And thier tickets/hotel are confirmed. Help.

Why am I so negative?
Even though my parents are paying for most of our wedding, there are still things we agreed to pay for - dress, tux, accessories, etc. I have so much respect for you because of the fact that you guys are paying for most of your wedding yourselves, and I can see how that could be extremely stressful.



So, you've really only got two options - cut back on things or get more money. Are second jobs or overtime a possibility?



My fiance is working overtime every Sunday at his job, and I'm doing housecleaning for my family for $12 an hour on Sundays as well. Is that a possibility for you guys? Even a paper route can add up in five months! Good luck!
Reply:I agree, you have done a good job with the costs. Can you pare down the alcohol at all? Such as host just beer and wine and have the other cocktails be no-host? And forget the limo, seriously nobody is going to care. It is an intense time financially, but just try to set aside even $500 a month for this and you'll get it all together. That will pay for most of it, and you can pay for the rest over the next couple of months after the wedding.
Reply:Honestly, I think a $3500 caterer is a BIT much! I'm absolutely positive you can find cheaper alternatives. A different caterer, or even make things yourself or have your mom or friends help you. You'll save at LEAST $2500 there, if the food and everything still costs you $1,000. That will be a good amount to put towards payments of other things.
Reply:you just need to stop being negative. plain and simple. you knew that you guys had to pay bills and you still wanted to have a wedding party.... you could of just gotten married at a courthouse but NOoooo you wanted a party so just stop being so negative or you will drive your man away
Reply:you sound like you have no confidence in yourself when you say "All I have ever wanted in my whole life is to be married, and to be someone's wife".



Do you even know why?



It clearly shows something is wrong, you should see a psychologist to find out why.
Reply:take a breath, calm down...maybe go out with friends or something and just talk a walk around a park, mall or something and talk...get things off your chest it will help...and stop worrying about all the costs things will work out. if you keep worrying and freaking out it wont happen then and well yeah all for nothing.
Reply:It sounds like you dream is a bit unrealistic for what you can financially afford. I think this would put pressure on anyone. I understand that you want a wonderful day, but marriage is for a lifetime..not one day.
Reply:you can cut the limo.rent a car or barrow some ones. save the 600 for something else. it will all work out in the end.
Reply:If you cannot push back the day, you are going to have to scale back your wedding or get a second job.



I wouldn't say your are being negative, you are being realistic.
Reply:It's the pressure getting to you just stop take a deep breath and figure out how you can make it work.
Reply:Can anyone (i.e-parents) help you guys at all financially with the wedding?
Reply:we cut costs on the invites, not the DIY kind, we just shopped around til we dropped and found kick *** inexpensive ones! Instead of renting that limo, do some recon this summer and go to some old school car club meeting or shows. We got a 1930 RR for FREE!! Well, not really free, but we had to promise the guy a meal and a pic of his fabulous car! If you already have the photographer, there ya go. It'll cost you the price of 1 meal (if he even takes that) and a print of his car! Let's see, what else did we do...We're not doing ANY flowers, I'm not really into them so the expense seemed stupid...we're using feathers! It's a 20's theme...so it worked perfect. I have spent MAYBE $250 on them...that INCLUDES centerpieces, stage decoration and ALL the bouquets and boutineers (I have no clue how to actually spell that, sorry).

There is sooo much more, figure out what is and isn't important to you. That's what we did. The party and the pictures were important to us, so thats where we sunk all our $.
Reply:You sound like me before our wedding. I was the same way. I was freaking out about how expensive everything was! I felt like I was being forced to throw this huge expensive party for friends and relatives! By the time I realized how much I didn't want this big wedding, it was too late to back out because I had guests coming from out of town as well. So I went through with it. The good news is we got a lot of cash for wedding gits that we ended up using to pay off the wedding which kinda sucked but I lived through it. I wanted to get married I just didn't want the expenses that went along with it. Sounds to me like you are in as deep as I was so you probably just have to go through with it. Maybe get a second part time job to earn a little extra cash to pay everything off quicker.
Reply:I don't think you're being "negative" but instead being a realist, albeit a bit belatedly. It seems you have bit off more than you can financially chew. You should not be going into debt to get married. Only have what you can afford.



How big is your upcoming wedding? Since you haven't sent out the invitations yet, consider making it a smaller wedding, followed by a restaurant dinner. (You could cancel the catering and any non-essentials in that case.) Or even a back yard reception. Choose not to have groomsmen and bridesmaids. Keep your wedding day, but rearrange the plans so that you economize.
Reply:This is a big day so of course you want it to be perfect and thats what the wedding planner is for if you have one and if you dont have one u need one because thats their job and it will take A WHOLE LOT of stress of you!!Try to think positive.... try to think of life after marriage and not so much about the costs and the preparation. Think about saying "I do" and living happiliy ever after.....you are lucky, alot of woman only WISH they were getting married anytime soon...enjoy your fiance and your life I'm sure everything will work out just fine.



The catering seems to be the most expensive thing...maybe you can work on that and cut off about 500-1500...I know theres got to be someone out there who can cater your wedding cheaper...take a few things off the menu....
Reply:maybe you could look into cutting costs even more, like the 3500 dollar caterer...do it yourself or have family help you, go with finger foods and snacks, not a sit down dinner and have a specially made cake...also, are things set for the church definitely? isnt there somewhere that would be cheaper? i mean around here you dont have to pay to use a church, just tip the person that does the ceremony....maybe you could make the centerpieces yourself....and you dont have to spend alot on the bridesmaids/groomsman...for the men you get something like pocket knifes and for the women maybe a silver charm for a necklace with their initials on them....as for the bridal shower, thats not your responsibility....someone is suppose to give that to you and they pay for it as part of your gift.....



stop stressing so much, everything will come together...



good luck and congrats