How to snub your MIL?

Hello ladies,





Etiquette is important and when you do not abserve some common courtesies, you may offend some people. One piece of advice ladies: you do not want to piss off your mother in-law.





At this wedding that I attended, the bride had a very large bridal party. She had 7 BM, 5 of the BM and the flower girl was were her sisters, the ring bearer was her brother. One of the groomsmen was his brother. She didn't pay one red cent of the wedding, the groom pay for everything... 42k worth of it and she doesn't work.





At the rehearsal dinner, there were gifts for the wedding party mind you, 85% of the wedding party were his brothers and sisters. She had a handbag, some jewelry set, a personalized tank top, flip flops, an engraved customized compact mirror, potions and lotions ...about $70 dollars a bag for her sisters gifts (groom paid)





The GM gifts were some very nice personalized beer mugs. The groom also pay for her brother's tuxedo rental.





(continues)

How to snub your MIL?
That is ridiculous! Our parents were the first ones we thought of when it came to buy gifts. This is one selfish bride but I'm surprised the groom didn't make sure his mother had a gift. She and her fiance have some serious apologizing to make.
Reply:That is funny. I'd be ticked at the bride too. I had flower arrangements sent to both sets of parents to thank them for all of their help. I also sent thank you gifts to my mom and mil after my shower. (none of my bridesmaids lived in the same state as we did and had to fly in for the shower and wedding)





I love these bridal horror stories! My SIL thought it was ok just to leave crappy little thank you cards on the table at the shower and not send out formal thank you's. Boy did that ruffle some family feathers. The formal thank you's were sent out, very late, but they were sent.
Reply:wow, that poor MIL! i could never not get something for my MIL, she's like a second mother to me
Reply:They're a couple. Why is this all on the Bride? Either THEY got something for their parents or they didn't. Parent gifts are traditionally a joint gift from the couple to each set of parents.





The MIL needs not to hold this against the bride. She can tell them as a couple that she was hurt but if she is openly hostile to her son's wife it will not be good for her relationship with her grandchildren some day.
Reply:Please tell us or show us where in the etiquette books it says to present the MIL with a gift at the Rehearsal Dinner if she isn't part of the wedding party? That is something that I have never heard of and neither has anyone I know as well. Nor have I ever seen it done at any of the numerous weddings I have been to over the years. The only people who are to be presented with gifts are the the MOH, BM, FG, RB, GM, and BM that is it.





Did she present her parents with a gift? It doesn't sound like it. The fact that her MIL gave her a gift was her own choice. Did she also give them a wedding present? Or was the scrapbook part of it?
Reply:You don't give your mother or MIL a gift at your rehearsal dinner, they aren't in the wedding party. The MIL needs to get over it.
Reply:Sorry, honey, but no bride has to buy her MIL a gift!! It is certainly traditional for the MIL to gift the bride but not the other way around. This is not a case of "trailer trash" and you sound like a b**chy troublemaker. Keep out of it. If THEIR family "tradition" is to have a gift for the MIL, then someone should have been POLITE AND CARING and informed the bride ahead of time. The groom obviously didn't think it was important so it couldn't be that crucial to anyone but you bunch of catty, gossiping shrews. I really hope you don't keep interfering with this young couple! And remember, they are a COUPLE and planned the wedding together. (And btw, it's none of YOUR business who paid for what! I think I see a green-eyed monster!!)
Reply:LOL- I didn't give my mother in law anything either!!





But at my shower- her and her two daughter went in on a gift for me and it was a box of random crap from target- 1 spoon, cleaning brush, 2 pillows (didn't match), bathroom rug and other random junk from the registry. People were like- OOOOKAYYY..... (Plus the fact early she had tried to make my cousins clean!!! and started to order people around in my friend's house! My one cousin told her to get bent in soo many words) And she was mad I didn't register at a walmart!





At my rehearsal dinner where everyone is nicely dress- she is wearing stretch pants with holes in them slouch socks and sneakers. She got really rude with me and said- I didn't know everyone was dressing up. YEAH- people dress up for funerals too... you want me to call you before that to?


Then during the rehearsal rudely ask WHERE ARE THE DAUGHTERS GOING TO SIT. Like we are going to reserve them a row- the church was only had 10 pews in it!!! LOL





I didn't give her a DAMN thing but she didn't notice! I would in-fact love to snub her in public but she normally making too big of an ars out of herself and I doubt she would ever pick up on it!!


LOL


Good Story!!
Reply:OMG hahahaha. That's so embarassing!





Well, IMO the bride DESERVED what she got. She was self-centered, ungrateful, and downright rude. A little humility now and then ain't so bad!





I think I *might* have snubbed my FMIL unintentionally this weekend.....I asked my FSIL if my future niece (yeah yeah, lots of futures in there lol) would like to hang out with me this weekend and bake cookies....well my FSIL loved the idea so she could go Christmas shopping, but I think I pissed off my FMIL by not inviting her....which I don't think I should have had to since it's not at her house and I am a grown woman and can hang out with my niece if I want to LOL.





In some cases, I think MILs are out "looking" for ways for the DILs to piss them off. But to not get your MIL a gift for footing the bill for everything, that's a little wrong.





But what's weird to me, why were they swapping gifts in front of the guests anyways? Couldn't that be taken as rude?
Reply:I never knew you were to purchase gifts for the MIL ... and usually the bride picks out most of the maids and groom picks out the groomsmen .... did he not want any of his siblings or cousins in the party .... Plus u don't give gifts to get one back u should only give a gift if it is in your heart to give one ... if u give a gift only because people expect it then you are giving the gift for the wrong reason .... and if you are giving a gift and expecting one in return and you don't get one they you got what you deserved .... i'm interested in knowing how you know all of these details... your pov sounds skewed ... you should not be concerned with this especially enough to put it on Yahoo
Reply:Wow that is a bit extreme but I have seen it done. I am amazed on how many people have issues with there future MIL.





I was beginning to think my case was a fluke........My MIL is the sweetest person ever!





How ever, My Soon to Be's (brothers wife) thinks his whole family is against her. Which isn't totally true, but that's a whole other story. She thinks that every one plots behind her back and tries to do things that makes her upset! She wont even let our MIL take the her own grand-kids to MC D's she doesn't think she can handle them mind you she watch the other grandchild all day while the parents work! It is so sad. It made it well known that (our MIL %26amp; FIL) are always doing soemthing wrong or offending to her!
Reply:I didn't know it was "expected" either.





I'm giving my witchy MIL a personalized hanky on her chair before ceremony. If she wants to put on the drama queen act and leave early.....hooray!!!
Reply:your comment 'you can take the girl out of the trailer' is very telling. you are a snooty little lady with an axe to grind.


you obviously don't care for the bride, and have laid everything on her. well sweetie, it is the groom's mother and he didn't think, when he was paying for all these gifts for everyone else, to do something about his mother? personally its the first time i have ever heard of a mil expecting the bride to present her with gifts. i'm thinking this poor little bride has got herself a manipulative m.i.l. to contend with. i wouldn't be surprised if this woman presented a gift to the bride just to look good in front of her friends, and to embarass this poor girl.


but lets get back to you, who are you to them? you sound like a real b-i-tch who is so jealous she can not even think straight.


it almost sounds like you were hoping to marry this fella yourself and you didn't make the grade with him so you are doing your best to trash his wife's reputation.


they love each other, he is happy to pay for the wedding and what the he!! business is it of yours?


i hope she doesn't think of you as a friend, in fact i hope no one considers you to be a friend, because i doubt you have it in you to understand what a good friend is.


you sound like a bitter, miserable little being who isn't happy unless she is making everyone else unhappy. so i would suggest you take your jealous butt out of here and go crawl back in the lair you came out of.


and for those of you who just jump on the bandwagon and blame the bride - you are just as meanspirited as this jealous hag.
Reply:I have never heard of the bride having to give the mother in law a present at the rehearsal dinner.. the rehearsal dinner is for practicing the ceremony and thanking the wedding party (whether these are friends or relatives). did the bride have a gift for her mother and not her fiance's? if not then I do not see what was rude on her part... however, it was rude of her MIL to put her on the spot by giving her such an expensive gift in public.. sounds like the mother in law was trying to show off..
Reply:I had no idea a gift was expected for the MIL at a rehersal dinner. I have never heard that. The MIL is assuming that the bride knew it. The groom should have told her what his mother expected. If he knew??? the MiL is taking this unknown demand to control and snub and humiliate the bride. She does not like her and is clever enough to get an expensive gift to confuse people.
Reply:That is horrible! The worst I've ever seen is someone out in public on their cell phone, yelling and screaming about "your son who you think is so perfect...." She was walking around the store and picked up her items to check out still yelling at her MIL.





I was out in public shopping and I felt awkward about listening in to her. I HATE when people have public arguments. Why do you think that I want to be involved in your personal problems?





After she got off the phone, she noticed the number of people that were in line with her. So she started to explain to us WHY. She stood there explaining that her MIL always thinks her husband is perfect and takes his side. Sometimes she wishes she could just tell her to shove it. As if she could explain to us that it wasn't rude to yell on your cell phone in public and that she had a right to share all her problems with us.





I was thinking I'm sure Christmas in your house is a blast.





But thats the worst I've ever seen.





In your story, did the bride get her parents a gift? B/c that would have been a huge snub. But maybe she didn't KNOW she was expected to give a gift to the parents. Perhaps she thought her fiance had bought them something as they are HIS parents. I'm not sure that bride wasn't highly embarrassed as well.





Many families cutting cost like that decide not to spend extra stuff like that, like the couple getting each other a gift. In a way, if your parents pay for everything--it's kinda weird to spend a bunch of money on a gift for them. It's like they bought a gift for themselves.





It seems like there might be more to the story. I mean as I said she might have been as embarrassed as her MIL was. I hope she makes it up to her. No one wants a war with a new MIL.
Reply:Um I don't think she snubbed her MIL. How was she to know she would receive a tiffany bracelet from her. I think the MIL acted very rudely and childishly. You didn't say the girl did not say thank you, or that she expected those kinds of gifts. We did give our parents something (my husband presented the gifts to his parents and I gave them to mine) but our parents gave us a joint gift - nothing individual. I think that is a bit rare. I don't see why the groom paying for things is of any concern either. Their money is now going to be one big melting pot of finances so who cares.





Now, the main thing that got me is; the point of giving gifts is to give them unconditionally. You give a gift because you want to, not because you expect something in return. That MIL is a piece of work. How dare she act like a spoiled little brat and try to upstage the bride and ruin her son's wedding day. Luckily for the bride she married what sounds like an upstanding and generous man, who thankfully did not take cues from his mother who frankly should at the very least be slapped upside the head a few times to have some sense knocked into her. And you, taking the mother in laws side, what's up with that?
Reply:Why in the world did he pick this gal? Oh, well. Guess he'll be paying PLENTY of alimony in a couple years.
Reply:I'm wondering if the bride is marrying for money... sure sounds that way.
Reply:Actually I think MIL is worse. With all those extravagent gifts to the brother and sister, the bride should have gotten something for MIL too but MIL had no right to make a scene! Wedding planning is very complicated and people just don't think of everything. Ok well in this case maybe the bride doesn't come off so well when she's already freeloading off the groom's rich family. Well it sounds like they deserve each other and it's going to be a real fun time for the new husband.

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