Do I have to go??

My fiance sister is getting married on sept 22 and I threw her a nice bridal shower and gave her some china etc. However she is having a rehearsal dinner the night before in Boston, MA. Would it be rude for me not to attend because thats another night i would have to pay 199.00 for a hotel room and her soon to be MIL is so frustrateing she's not even going to be my MIL and I want to kill her! She tried to run the shower I threw and has told the bride to return things she bought for the wedding like flower girl baskets because the ones she bought were better! She is hosting the dinner! I live in CT and really don't want to go! Do i just tell me SIL how i feel or do i just suck it up smile and go??

Do I have to go??
Your daughter is in the wedding party. She's going to have to rehearse. Will you be able to take her to the rehearsal and then back to CT...and then back to Boston? Are you going to wind up paying nearly as much in gas and food on the road as you would paying for the room? Is there anywhere else you could stay that would cost less? Could your fiance take her and you follow the next day?



It would be a shame for your daughter to miss the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. After all, the dinner is where the wedding party are usually given their gifts for taking part in the wedding. Besides, as I said before, she does need to rehearse so she knows what's expected of her on the day.



Of course, I'm making the assmption that your daughter is quite young and is probably a flower girl. If that's the case, someone needs to get her there. If I'm wrong and she's old enough to get herself back and forth, then it wouldn't be nearly as necessary for you to go with her.



I know it's frustrating, but sometimes it's important to show someone support in the face of irritating relatives. If you can find a way to do this for your fiance's sister - who is going to be part of your family - then I think you ought to. She's going to need all the help she can get with a mother in law like that. If you can afford the room, then please give your sister-to-be a little help.
Reply:Yes.....you need to go. This is your future family and since your daughter is already part of it, it's most important to her. In addition, she is in the wedding and should be there for the rehearsal.



Also, is the wedding in Boston? If it is, you'll save yourself the trouble of getting up early and driving from Connecticut to Boston on the day of the wedding. I'm familiar w/ these areas and that can be quite a drive. It may actually be money well spent to stay in a hotel.



You do need to go though. If $119 is too much, consider finding a hotel that cheaper. For the night of the rehearsal, stay in a hotel just outside of Boston. The prices might be cheaper. Usually you can find a nice (and clean) Holiday Inn or Ramada for $75 a night. Then the next morning check out and move to the hotel that is closer to the wedding (within Boston)



I really think you should go. This has nothing to do with your being in the bridal party. 1) This is finance's sister....you should go for him 2) This is your daughter's aunt's wedding (and family) see should be there if invited. 3) She is in the wedding, she should be at the rehearsal. 4) As a couple w/ a child together and planning on marrying these are the type of family events you are obligated to attend.
Reply:You don't have to go since you are not in the wedding.



If you feel the need to explain, just tell the bride that the extra $200 is going to be too much for your family to afford. Be prepared for her to come up with a "solution" to the money problem though...she may offer to pay for the night, she may find a room for you to share or another place for you to stay the night for free. Then what will you do?



Good luck with that one! I've got some "monsters in law" too (not my MIL but SIL and aunts in law)
Reply:I wonder what the problem is

the money you would have to pay or the MIL,

if it is that you cannot afford to attend that dinner, tell your SIL and don't go, if it is that MonsterIL, go she is not worth it to have so much anger about it, if that girl is important to you you should really try to be superior, I know the feeling my MIL is a manipulative B... too, so hang in howver don't tell the bride before about your feelings she should not worry about something like that on HER day ;)



greets



Anne
Reply:If you really don't want to go just tell her you can't attend don't get into detail for it may cause her stress.
Reply:Can you share a room with your parents, or stay with your parents? Can you share a room with another bridesmaid. Stay with friends, get a cheaper hotel?



Talk to your parents or another close family member about this. Last straw- talk to your sister about it . She is going to be stressed out, so just explain the situation tactfully. She does not want her wedding to be a financial burden for you, and she will understand.



As for the future Mom in law- count your blessings that she will not be yours! Put up with her for a couple more days and if she gets rude, tell her (tactfully again) to stop. The best way I can explain it is Irish diplomacy- tell her to go to hell, but have look forward to the trip!



This is what I did for a friend's wedding, and her mom in law talks to me all the time at family functions. She drove me nuts though during the wedding and the showers.



Good luck!
Reply:You don't have to go...just tell your sister the extra $200 is alot. She should understand. I doubt critisizing her future MIL would be helpful...she probably already knows she's a pain.
Reply:If you are in the bridal party or a wedding attendant you should go. I know how you feel though. My future MIL is a MonsterIL. She drives me crazy. She does the very opposite of everything I say I want for my wedding in 3 days and she tells people that I'm horrible if I stand up to her. If you aren't in the bridal party or a wedding attendant then you don't have to go. That's really who the rehearsals are for. Just tell her you are saving money for the wedding and you can't afford right now to make another trip. She will understand I'm sure.
Reply:If your daughter is in the wedding party, then you should go. She'll need to attend the rehearsal at the very least. You could always go to the rehearsal and then say your daughter needs to get some rest and go to bed early, and then you can skip out on the dinner if you want to. But your daughter should be attending the rehearsal.
Reply:If you aren't a member of the wedding party, no, you do not have to attend the rehearsal dinner. Nor do you need to give any reasons for not attending. A simple "I'm not available" or "I have other plans for that evening" should suffice.
Reply:I wouldn't see it as a problem that you don't attend the rehearsal dinner. You said yourself you're not in the wedding and paying over $200 for one night can really break the bank...at least for me. If you want to go and can share a room maybe with your daughter or another family member and feel comfortable doing so, that may be a way to avoid paying for the extra night, or at least full price for it if you end up splitting it. But I wouldn't be upset if this were my wedding!