Help with this crazy wedding please???

My sister in law is getting married in a few months. At first it was a huge wedding with 7 people on both sides standing up, and about 250 coming to the wedding. I was going to be the matron of honor and my husband was going to be best man due to the groom's choice. My daughter was going to be the flower girl. Last night she called me (after the day before calling me and telling me the wedding was off) and told me that her hubby to be wants a small private wedding and only family at it (they have almost 10 kids between them). Since we are family, she wants still wants us to stand up for them. It will be only us, and our daughter and a ring bearer. And then she tells me that I should still throw her a large bridal shower. The problem was that I was going to ask the bridesmaids to help me pay for it. Because I can't on my own.

Should I still have to throw her a shower? My husband is at the point where he doesn't even want to be in it, or attend it.

Help with this crazy wedding please???
You should just tell her that you are unable to afford a large shower. Explain to her that you were going to ask the other bridesmaids to pitch in for the cost of the shower, but seeing as her plans have changed you are unable to do so. To keep the peace just promise to give her a lovely shower, that will have to be within your budget. Also agree with others that it is extremely rude to invite someone to the shower and not the wedding.

All the best.
Reply:she wants a small wedding - but expects a huge shower huh?



that's humorous.



let her know that it is beyond rude to throw a wedding shower and expect people to attend that aren't invited to the wedding. You can do one, but it will be limited to the wedding invitees only....and it's going to be cold sandwiches and the radio playing...



if she wants to be greedy and wants more"stuff" she's just going to have to get creative on begging all on her own...
Reply:I think you should throw a small, intimate shower. If she complains, just tell her straight out that as the host of the shower, you are not going to commit a social blunder by inviting people who are not invited to the wedding. Since you are standing up for her, it would be nice to throw the shower, but at the same time it should not be something you are uncomfortable with or cannot afford.
Reply:If she wants a SMALL wedding then she gets a SMALL shower!!! You should never invite anyone to a Bridal Shower that is not invited to the wedding!!!
Reply:I agree with the other two... Small wedding = smaller shower... is rude to invite people to a shower but not the wedding!
Reply:tell her not to be so rude. should they be getting married at all?
Reply:Okay. What is she thinking? There is no way! I don't blame your husband either. It's simple, you can't throw a shower, invite all your former wedding guests, and wedding party, and then not invite them to the wedding.



Save a lot of heartache for everyone involved...don't do it!
Reply:small wedding= small shower

sounds rude of her to want to nix people out of the wedding but then still get gifts at a shower...

usually you don't invite people to the shower that aren't going to be invited to the wedding

and no if she's taking away your "partners" in throwing the shower, then you shouldn't be expected to throw the same event on your own now!

tell her that since it's just you and a smaller wedding you have to have a smaller shower.... the shower is not her decision anyway!
Reply:First of all, she cannot tell you that you have to throw her a bridal shower at all. It's sad to see how many brides think they are owed gifts - with that attitude they don't deserve any!



I would tell her (if you do decide to throw her a shower) that you will only invite those who were invited to the wedding. Inviting others is just rude and greedy.
Reply:Several things:

Sounds like they are older and have been married before since there are 10 kids between them. Big showers aren't necessarily appropriate, but that's not my business. It would probably be best to have a shower for family since the wedding is only for family.



What about this idea, since it's only family invited to the wedding.....let the family help with the shower. How about a family "pot-luck" where you can all give gifts? They would think nothing of it. And you could provide the cake and drinks.



I'd just wait it out on this one. Sounds like you have a few months before this actually happens. The way this sounds, they could change their mind again. I wouldn't stress, but would be gathering ideas in my mind for the shower you probably will end up giving in some form or another.
Reply:Tell her that you've done some research and that having a big shower and small wedding is just not done. That your not comfortable doing this, that you will throw her a shower in accordance to her wedding, small and family only. This you should be able to accomplish for about $200.00. If that's still out of your budget then I would see if other family member could help out by bringing some of the food. As far as your husband goes...there's nothing saying that he has to be in the wedding but I would make HIM be the one to tell her, give it some time, he may calm down and realize that regardless of his sisters flakiness that he really does want to be there for her on her special day. I would also remind him that his sister has had to revise her dream wedding, which I'm sure is upsetting to her, and for him to not be in it is going to make things even worse. Good luck.
Reply:Honey, it's not the place of the matron of honor to throw the bridal shower, but a close friend or another member of the family, such as an aunt or a cousin....



besides, the bride can't dictate the kind of bridal shower she gets....that is up to whoever hosts the shower.....and the guest list should only be the women who will be at the wedding...to invite people to a bridal shower who are not invited to the wedding, well it's rather rude, impolite for want of another word ( I won't use tacky but it sure is) and smacks of exactly what is is...a blatant attempt to squeeze as many gifts as possible out of the situation....and this needs to be told to the bride as gently as possible....Good Luck.