Does eloping sound better to you?

I was so excited about my wedding...and now everything is turning ugly. EVERYTHING with my future MIL is becoming a battle. She wanted to wear white, she wanted to wear strapless, she didn't like the way my sister threw my bridal shower, she doesn't want to wear the flower I picked for her, she can't bring her mom to my lingerie shower, she was super mad about not being invited to pick out my dress. EVERYTHING makes her mad and she throws tantrums. I can't please her...nothing can. Recently she has called (after invites have been sent out), to invite 15 more people to the wedding that has already gotten too large. She doesn't like the way I do anything.





This is no longer fun for me...I can't focus on what's important, only if I'm going to make her mad or not. I wish I wouldn't have done this! Anyone else feel this way?

Does eloping sound better to you?
Chances are she has been a pain in the rear to her son too, dominating and controlling. I hope your fiance is supportive to make the start of your new life together a good one!





If she wants to wear white, let her. She will look silly in the end and some things just can't be controlled. I would, however, get a book or find some info online about how it upstages the bride and is in bad taste to do so for other guests to wear white.





As far as not inviting her to pick out the dress and not inviting her mother to your lingerie shower, those are YOUR personal decisions.





I would recommend telling your fiance to meet with you and his mother to discuss it straight out that you are not happy with what is happening with the tantrums and the decisions she has made to disrespect you and your wedding. Expect her to be pissed off. I would mention that eloping would be a lot easier and that you are considering it because of the drama.





Whatever you do, hold your ground. If you let her walk on you now, she will always do so!
Reply:Your MIL sounds like a typical MIL. She is behaving very childishly and is selfish. Kindly remind her ( and I emphasize kindly) that YOU are getting married not her. And also that she is not being supportive enough. Nothing is perfect and budgeting is everything. Making last minute changes will only complicate an already complicated situation . DO NOT ELOPE! Simply express your feelings to everyone and give those close to the wedding roles to play. Everyone wants to feel like they are contributing something to such an important event. Hope this helps...a little. Congrats!
Reply:Honestly, I would just ignore her. Don't let her know any of your planning and if she has a fit, let your husband handle her "tantrums."


She sounds like she is living her wedding thru yours.





If she wants to wear white strapless dress, (just crazy in my opinion, only the bride should wear white) she'll be the one to look ridiculous and I would tell her just that.





Just hang in there! Don't let one women ruin your planning and your special day.
Reply:I am so sorry you are having such a terrible time! I honestly think it is time for your HTB to step in and try to control his mother. It honestly sounds as if she is trying to stop the two of you from getting married. IF she is allowed to control this, you will NEVER get her out of your business....


I am eloping so we can focus on the actual marriage. That is the only important thing anyway.
Reply:My sympathy to you, my dear. She is a bully. If you are a member of and/or being married in a church, do not walk, RUN to the pastor, drag your fiance by the heels if you have to, and explain your woes. You have a big problem -- the crazy-making is not going to go away after the wedding. You and your fiance need marriage counselling starting NOW. Good luck.
Reply:This is your husband-to-be's problem or a least it should have been. No matter what you do she is going to be a BIG part of your life. She didn't get this way all of the sudden, I would have him settle this once and for all!!!! Your choice is to call off the wedding or elope and move 5 thousand mies away. I'm really sorry for you.
Reply:talk to your fiance about his mother. Don't be rude or condescending, but sit him down and tell him to talk to his mother. That planning this wedding is no longer fun and that you would rather elope if she's going to treat you this way. It's your wedding not hers. Really share your feelings with him and ask him to tell her to back off.
Reply:you need to sit her down and have a talk with her. tell her this is your wedding and she needs to back off. its not her place to invite people and its costing you money which isnt fair. if you make her mad, thats her problem. tell her its not what you're trying to do, but she's taking over and ruining your perfect wedding and needs to leave you be
Reply:I know exactly what you mean. My Fiance and I have decided to plan the wedding entirely in secret with the help of his aunt before we announce that we're engaged. We want to do something similar to J.Lo's wedding. We're going to invite everyone for a 'party' and then get married. Which is another reason we're doing beach and bowling.
Reply:It sounds like you're in for a life of HELL!


How supportive is you fiance?


I hope he stands up to her for your sake.


If he doesn't let her know NOW that you are now the most important female in his life, You better think twice about marrying him at all.


Good Luck...hope it works out.
Reply:Don't elope because of one person. It's now time to stop answering her calls and letting her know what's going on and surround yourself with positive people. If, and when, she throws a tantrum, have your fiance handle it. It's his mother, after all.
Reply:I would plain out ignore her. Its your wedding, not her's. Tell your fiance to tell her to BACK OFF. This is his job and not your place to do so.





Remember, this is YOU and YOUR FIANCE'S wedding. Unless she is paying for everything she has no say.
Reply:Wow. Sorry. That stinks. She sounds like a pain.





Eloping might sound better to me if I were you. However, so far my wedding planning has been pretty good. I have had glitches here/there, but nothing too big.
Reply:Elope or tell your fiance to tell his mother to calm down
Reply:Yup time to elope. good luck. :)
Reply:It sounds like she doesn't have a daughter or didn't get to do anything for her daughter's wedding. Usually, the bride has her mother for picking out the dress and helping with the bridal shower. As for wearing white it kind of makes me wonder if she is trying to live through you because she didn't have the wedding of her dreams. Ask her about her wedding and what her mother in law did to help and tell her how you feel with your fiance at your side. Find some kind of compromise or worst comes to worst hire a Bridal Consultant just to finalize things and smooth everything over. That's is part of the job to take stress off the bride.
Reply:Sometimes I think about eloping, too. My parents even recommended it, half joking and half serious, before the wedding planning began.





I had similar MIL issues. She is wearing a bright red, strapless version of one of my bridesmaid's dresses!





Maybe you can let her pick out her own flower? It's really a small detail if it would make her happy! I guarantee you that you won't notice her little flower on your big day :o)





Why could she not bring her mom to your lingerie shower? I have never heard of that, but was it because she wasn't invited or someone thought it wasn't appropriate? I wouldn't think that was a huge deal to allow the grandma to come. Even though mine would probably prefer not to!





And she invited 15 people AFTER the invitations have gone out? Wow, that's pretty bad. If you gave her a chance to give you her list of guests in plenty of time, I would have to say that is pretty rude. Unless you didn't ask her for her list or opinion before you sent them out?





I would try your hardest to look past this. It is YOUR wedding day and YOUR future marriage that counts. All of the crazy little details will be over soon enough.





Good luck to you!
Reply:Your fiance should definitely be stepping in and telling her to knock it off. If he is too afraid to tell her to stop being so rude and inconsiderate, you should seriously reconsider this marriage. I'm not trying to be mean or make you sad, but if she's going to be this controlling and he's going to let her, imagine what will happen once you have kids! She'll be telling you where you should live, what sports they should play, what friends they should have. I know - my fiance's mother is the same way as your fiance's mother. She has been taking over her daughter's (my fiance's sister) wedding, even dictating what the groomsmen should wear! Once my fiance and I started planning our wedding, we agreed to do everything ourselves, no "help" from her. She's not liking the fact that she doesn't get to decide on anything, but it's waaaay worth it to not have her controlling our wedding. My fiance is definitely seeing the benefits of us standing our ground. She even asked my fiance to invite some friends of hers, and he flat out told her no. Yeah, she threw a fit, but she got over it, because you know what - she really doesn't have any control over our wedding, because my fiance and I are paying for everything! The only power she has is whether or not she shows up to it, and obviously if she boycotts the wedding because she's not happy about something, she knows she's the one who will look like the @$$, not us.





So, long story short, your fiance needs to man up and tell her to stop being so controlling. Good luck!
Reply:I feel so bad for you that she has turned into such a pain. Just try your best not to let her get to you. I am sure she is super stressing herself out because she wants your wedding to be perfect too. If you just keep thinking "she doesn't know any better" then it might help you out with dealing with her. Stand your ground, but make sure to be nice about it. Chances are, she will go back to normal after the wedding.. But trust me.. my fiance and I have only been planning for about 6 months now (with 6 months left to go) and I get those feelings sometimes when I just want to fun away with him and get married by ourselves. Keep thinking that in the end, you will be so happy to be married and most everything will end up the way you wanted! Your wedding will be lovely and wonderful! Keep your head up!
Reply:It sounds like you are too far in to elope....have your fiance talk to his mother, she sounds like a pain. My husband's mother wanted in on everything too, but he told her to back down and let us plan our own wedding. She didn't bother us with anything after that. I'm sorry it's getting so stressful for you, if my husband and I could do it over again, we would have eloped too. Don't worry about what she wants, this is for you and your fh, not her, do what makes the two of you happy. Just look forward to your big day, it's going to be wonderful....and before you know it, over. Good luck to you and your future husband! :)
Reply:i deff feel this way to! and i have only began..but at first my fiance's mother didn't want nothing to do with it..i mean nothing...so i was happy i got to plan it myself and now she is trying to say we are gonna have 150 just from her side..and i said i think not..that would be about 250 or 300 by the time you count my side..but just ignore her..thats what i do..pay for the stuff yourself and don't let her have no control...it maybe her sons wedding to but if he says he don't care about this and that or say what ever you want honey...then thats what he feels so i would just ignore her and do what you please!
Reply:OH goodness the drama! Try doing what your MIL wants for heavans sake. I mean its her Son's wedding to .. not all about you! stop your crying already you should be glad she wants to be apart of your life at all!





Sorry can't count you out. your marrying into this hence it is your problem. Just you wait until you have children. LOL


Yes nicegirl is my name... being nice is my game! LOL
Reply:No offense, Pgybnks, but maybe your future MIL is feeling like you're acting like a controlling Bridezilla. I never will understand why people get so bent out of shape about the dress the mother of the groom wants to wear to the wedding. Obviously she's older than you by a good bit- I doubt anyone will accidentally mistake her for the bride if she wears a white dress. And what's wrong with wanting a strapless dress? Is there some sort of age cap for a woman to want to feel sexy at a formal event? She may be older but she's still a woman and wants to look and feel beautiful at her son's wedding.


As for the flower you picked for her, why wasn't she allowed to pick her own flower? She's the one who has to wear it. I don't understand why so many brides feel like just because it's "their" day, everyone must bow to their will and wear stuff they think is ugly just because the BRIDE likes it. If someone made me wear a flower I didn't like, I wouldn't wear it either.


OK, now about the lingerie shower- why didn't the groom's grandma get invited? So it might be a little racy- it's sort of age-ist to only invite women under a certain age to avoid offending anyone, isn't it? My grandma, may she rest, was 88 when she died and she STILL would have gotten a kick out of watching me unwrap lingerie from everyone. Getting older doesn't make you less of a woman, you know.


And as for not being invited to pick out the dress- I assume you had your mom and your MOH and bridesmaids there on the shopping trip. Maybe your future MIL just felt left out. Does she have any daughters? If not, maybe she was looking forward to this as her one big chance to help pick out a wedding dress. Some women are really into all that. I'm not, personally, but lots of women really are into it. I mean, she is going to be your mother-in-law. The word "mother" is in the title- you really do need to include her more in your life now. Otherwise you're in for a bumpy road ahead. Just wait until you have kids.


My major point here is, you need to quit worrying about "focusing on what's important"- what is more important than bringing two families together in law and love? Certainly not flowers or lingerie or strapless dresses or any of that stuff. Your wedding lasts exactly one day, and then you are in a marriage. With that marriage comes his family, and if you want to have a happy life you need to make sure that you and the in-laws stay on good terms. This may mean having to humour your MIL from time to time, but you may just have to suck it up.

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