I am feeling really put off with the bride what should I do and say?

I am set to be the Maid of honor in my girlfriends wedding this summer. She also asked me (at the same time she asked me to be her MoH) if my son could be her ring bearer. We have been to a bridal show, and I went with her to try on dresses, and talk about flowers and colors and all that not so fun stuff. Today I sent her an email to ask if she wanted me to start trying to find someone for hair and makeup. I got an email back telling me that her Fiance asked his aunt for his cousin to be the ring bearer so my son isn't in the wedding anymore. To speak lightly I am pissed, she didn't aplogize and just tried to laugh it off. I replied telling her that I was disapointed. She just sent me a message back saying "oh well steve didn't tell me". I know she just said "okay" and dumped my son because she will not argue with him. and she still didn't apologize.





I don't know what else to say to her.

I am feeling really put off with the bride what should I do and say?
Well, it sucks but I have been there. My son had been asked to be in a good friend's wedding but then her fiance had a family member he wanted to use instead. In the end, the other boy was family and I wasn't. You know - it's okay. My son didn't care, in fact, he probably had a lot more fun not being in the wedding, lol. Don't forget, she's going to have his family at her wondering why she picked some friend's kid over a relative.





Wedding planning is a mess of questions with no perfect answer - she can't please everyone so you'll have to give her a break.
Reply:It sounds like it is all about her.
Reply:Without question say something to her. She cannot be that rude to not realize that it would hurt your feelings. I am getting married next month and I am not oblivious to other people!!!
Reply:I would really be hurt, too. And her lack of concern would be the worse part. I have been to weddings where they have two ring bearers. They could have done that. Traditionally, it is the bride who plans the wedding, not the groom. It sounds like she is turning into Bridezilla. You need to try to remember that she is your good friend, and hopefully, that good friend will return after the wedding and Bridezilla goes away. Personally, I would ask her if she had any plans on changing her MoH, do it nicely, tell her you just want to make sure before you spend any more time or money. but then, I am always stirring up stuff...... So you should probably just try ot remember that she is a good friend. Now, if she does anything else.............
Reply:It was incredibly rude and thoughtless for your friend to unask your son to be the ring bearer. To add insult to injury, she told you in an email and played it off like a joke. You have every right to be hurt, upset, and angry, especially after putting down non-refundable money on a rental. While this is your friend's special day it does not give her the right to act this way! As hard as it may be, you should talk to her either in person or on the phone. Tell her that you're feeling really disappointed in her for changing plans after she'd already asked your son and you'd already put down money. Any decent person would apologize and offer to pay back the wasted money for the rental.
Reply:Say something to her about it or let it continue to fester which may cause you to blow up at her for something else.





Talk to her, be direct, but not offensive. Just ask her what happened to cause her to drop your son without much/ any warning.
Reply:That was a little rude but I don't think there's much you can do. Maybe get drunk at her wedding and act like an @sshole...that'll teach her
Reply:what exactly was the question
Reply:%26lt;%26gt;%26lt; Wow I would be pretty ticked too. Hope he does not ask someone else to be MoH too. Your friend is very rude and obviously not the least bit concerned about your feelings which makes me wonder what kind of friend she is anyway. I guess all depends on how much the friendship means to you and if you do in fact want to be her MoH. I would bow out myself.
Reply:I can understand you being hurt, she probably didn't realise that you would be that upset and didn't know how to tell you so she tried to make a joke of it that wasn't very successful. She's probably embarrassed and worried about it too because her fiance went behind her back and asked a relative, so she can't really dump the relative because that would cause huge family problems. She hasn't gone about this in a very kind way, and I really do sympathise with you as it's horrible for your son to be "dumped" like that, but try to put this behind you and just get on with being her MOH, try to remember that a friendship is more important than a part in a wedding and that she is probably under incredible stress right now so is behaving in ways that she would not normally behave.
Reply:First of all, I doubt she sees it as a joke. She is probably very embarrassed and doesn't know how to handle the situation. She probably assumes that as a friend, you will understand. Maybe she gave you to much credit. Cut her some slack. She has her hands full and way more on her mind than pleasing you.





And stop whining about the cost. When you agreed to be her maid of honor you knew this would cost you money. That's why people only ask very close friends to be in their wedding...you have to be willing to make a financial sacrifice for a friend.





When you get married all of this will make perfect sense. I hope you pick a more supportive MOH than your friend did.





Edit: the girl above who said "stop helping her...you've done more than enough already"...WTF? That is what a Maid of Honor does, you half-wit! Being MOH for someone is a JOB and if this girl can't handle the responsibility she should let the bride know so she can ask a more mature friend to step in.





Edit: The answers on here really show how narcissistic and self-involved all you losers are!!!!!
Reply:I would be so hurt. not angry.


I'm sure your feeling very disappointed in this whole matter and it's good to talk about it. Don't let her get the better side of you. She's going through a big important change in her life and is forgetting about other people's feelings. She's ego-centric at this moment. The only thing that matters to her now is "herself" and the wedding. Her nerves are getting to her and she's not realizing that she could have hurt your feelings. Go for a coffee just the two of you and let her know what she did. Sometimes it's not WHAT you say, but it's the WAY you say it.
Reply:You don't say anything. Your friend has been put in a tough position - what would you do? You have no idea if she said anything to her fiance or not. I'm sure your son is young and not going to be too disappointed that he's not in the wedding anymore.
Reply:I understand. I'm only having a MOH and when I started thinking of adding a ring bearer, I thought long and hard and talked to my fiance about it first to make sure it was okay before asking her if her son could do it. I didn't want any take backs on my part. She said yes and we're both really excited. Some people just don't fully comprehend the importance of keeping your word, so they brush things off but then get upset when people do that to them. Just to bring it to her attention (instead of asking her to pay for the deposit at the tux place) I would casually mention that you have a deposit on file there and you'd be happy to let her apply it towards the rentals as a wedding gift.
Reply:I would be upset too but it sounds like you've already let her know how you feel. You could suggest that she have 2 ring bearers, which would be cute, but ultimately it's her choice. It sucks that she just brushed you off like that but unless you want to be extreme and drop out of the wedding I would just let it go. It's not worth getting bent out of shape over it. Just stop helping out with her wedding planning so much, you've already done more than enough.
Reply:people are under a lot of stress during weddings as they want everything to be "perfect". take it lightly and dont break hell right now. if you get any more of such acts just speak your thoughts to her (a big fight would do good to get things in order) and resolve the matter. or you can just get the dont care attitude and let her go to hell if she has such an attitude.


cheers!
Reply:Sometimes weddings bring out the worst in people . . and that includes lack of kindness, thougtfulness, good manners and common sense.





If she does not want your son to be in the wedding there is very litte you can do about it, and as far as she's concerned she has given you a half-hearted explanation and she has no intention of giving you an apology. So you have to accept your son will not be in the wedding and move on.





If you have put a deposit down on your son's tuxedo you need to cancel that tuxedo order. And you should also ask the Bride to re-emburse you for the non-refundable desposit money (but I wouldn't count on getting it).





And maybe the next time someone asks you and/or your son to be in their wedding it maybe wise to find out what the financial investment will be and how organized the Bride and Groom are before you accept (because Brides and Grooms are constantly changing their minds).





Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant
Reply:I would be upset too. It sounds like it would have been special for you and your son to be in a wedding together.





If you feel you need to talk to her, then just gently ask her what happened because you are disappointed that she had to change her mind. you may be right and she may not want to fight with him, and it is a stressful time in one's life to plan a wedding. Or the fiance may have made an earlier arrangement with the aunt that she was unaware of. (Or the fiance my just not want to have to deal with an upset aunt.)
Reply:I had so many problems with my niece when she was getting married 4 years ago that I didn't even go to her wedding. Brides can be soooo ungrateful and such "B's". Her mother did very little for her and she would turn to me to handle all her problems and then treat me like "S" if the people she wanted me to control did not listen. I spent $3,000.00 on her wedding, money I could have used for my own children and she treated me so bad. I would stay out of the Brides way and let her do what she wants, don't go out of your way for her because she has already proven she is not going to do anything special for you. She should be ashamed for treating you this way!!
Reply:These kind of things happen, he may have asked his Aunt at the same time she asked you and there was just a simple miscommunication, don't let it spoil the rest of the wedding for you. Yes, she should have apologized, but it sounds like she was trying to make light of an awkward situation. Think of it as a blessing in disguise, it's much less you are going to have to worry about as the big day draws closer. Just let it go. Focus on being the Maid of Honor and all that entails.





Just a note, "trying on dresses, talking abut flowers, and colors and all that not so fun stuff"


If you really feel that way, that it's not fun - because, after all that's what it's all about, then maybe you should rethink right now being Maid of Honor. We had a blast doing all that stuff!
Reply:Don't day anything. It is her wedding and if you are truly her friend you will understand that this is a tough transitional time. She is entering his family, trying to blend in and not make any enemies right off the bat. She count not possibly tell her husband that she did not want his blood realitive as ring bearer. The fact that she just assumes you will understand is testiment to how deep she believes your friendship to be. Prover that she's right. Let this one go
Reply:Tell her she owes you an apology for replacing your son and she owes you money back for the money you wasted at the tux shop and leave it at that. Still be her MOH but don't help her out anymore unless she specifically asks; don't offer it. She will get the message what she did was rude and wrong.
Reply:Don't say anything. Just let it drop. I doubt she had much say in the matter. His cousin is family and family trumps friends in a wedding whether you like it or not. She's going to have to live with these people for a very long time so believe it or not, she's doing the right thing.
Reply:I would be pretty upset about it myself. I would believe that she is just trying to make sure that her day is the perfect day, as it is supposed to be. A conflict with the groom would not be a good thing to have in wedding planning. Can you imagine if there were a conflict about it and then Mr. Little ring bearer came with the ring? They would both be thinking about the incident. I think maybe she should have had more communication with you about it, and i think an appology is due. But i wouldnt let it be an issue while they are planning for the big day.
Reply:Tell her that you've lost money over her decision and that you're upset about it and want to know if she's going to give you the money you lost. If the bride says no, then I would personally not attend the wedding at all and not speak to her again. Both the bride and groom have a responsibility to not only apologize to you, but to promptly return any money you lost.


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