Junior Bridesmaid..help!?

My fiance's sister is mad because I told her she won't be our flower girl because she'll be too old (she asked me if she could be, she'll be 12)





He has 2 brothers that are going to be his groomsmen.





I dont want her in my bridal party. I have issues with her. I think she's spoiled and has given me nothing but grief since I've been dating my fiance. (I've asked for advice on how to deal with her on here before too)





She cries when she doesn't get her way. And even though me and her brother have been together for a a year and a half she still gets jealous of our relationship even though he spends alot of time with her on their own. Usually if she sees us together she'll actually come up and kick me and try to pull him away from me.





I dont want to reward her behavior by having her in my wedding, and i also don't want her throwing fits at my ceremony and reception, but she'd be the only family left out and i feel a bad bc ..what should I do with her?

Junior Bridesmaid..help!?
She asked to be in your wedding party? How rude!!





You and your fiancee need to sit down and talk with her (perhaps his mother can help?). Explain to her how her behavior is the reason why you do not want her to participate. She is abusive toward you (kicking) and possessive of her brother. Tell her flat out you do not believe she can act like a lady should, so you do not want her to embarrass herself. Make sure you focus on her behavior, not on your opinion of her (even though she does sound spoiled).





She needs to understand being in a wedding party is not just a game, it's a responsibility. The wedding party is made up of people who will support the bride and groom through the wedding and beyond. Her behavior has shown you that she is not up to that responsibility.





I understand you do not want to cut her completely out because she is family. Perhaps there is some small thing she is capable of handling? Passing out programs or whatever so she is not totally excluded?





Good luck.
Reply:Tell her if she starts behaving then you will think about it, tell her the way she treats you why should you have her in it. Just tell her when she starts treating you better then you will start to think of her more often. She is old enough to understand.
Reply:Well, from your main question (Junior Bridesmaid...help?!) I'm assuming that you are considering having her as a jr bridesmaid- is that correct?





I think that would be a good position for her if you choose. You can have a serious talk with her about how this is a big responsibility etc. Then maybe she will want to act more grown up like the other bridesmaids.





If you don't want her as a jr BM, how about a candle lighter? Or guestbook attendant?
Reply:You have issues with a 12 year old? Well that kind of says something right there. Another thing that struck me reading this is, doesnt her jealous behaviour seem odd? Are there some strange family dynamics going on that you didnt mention? A 12 year old that kicks and throws fits- Ive never heard of such a thing.
Reply:Stick to your guns.....tell hubby to be to deal with his sister. It's not your problem, it's his. Don't feel bad....she hasn't felt bad about the problems she has caused for you so far, and you know there will be more to come.
Reply:Talk to her and explain why you do not want to have her in the wedding. Maybe you should have this conversation in front of her parents with your boyfriend present as well. Remember, this is your wedding day. As long as you and your b/f agree not to have her in the wedding, it is your choice! Good Luck!
Reply:Well, she's 12 years old! She's old enough to understand that her behavior has consequences. Explain to her and her parents that you don't believe she can behave like a mature person, and therefore will not be in the wedding party.
Reply:You can have her as your guest book attendant. Have her wear colors of your wedding, and have a guest book table. Ask her to stand at the table greeting people and asking them to sign the book. You should also have her walked down the isle behind the mother of the groom to make her feel special. Basically you need to be the more mature one.
Reply:she is 12! she is immature and that is why she acts like that. but you sound immature in the way that you are talking about her. you actually sound quite jealous. i think you should have her be a junior bridesmaid. what is the big deal about it? if she wants to help and have a part in the wedding maybe you two will start getting along better too.
Reply:I completely agree with you about not putting the brat in the wedding. She really is too old to be a flower girl, and if you don't want her to be a Jr. Bridesmaid, then don't let her. If she and your fiance are so close, ask him to talk to her. Get him to tell her why she can't be a flower girl, and that there are already enough bridesmaids. Then pull the "big brother" card and get him to say something like "this is a very special day for me, and I don't want you to give me a reason for me to be disappointed with you. You need to be on your best behavior, which means no throwing tantrums and making a scene. You are 12 not 2 and you know better than that". If he puts the guilt on her, it might work better than you or her parents doing it.


If you really feel like she should do something, you can let her be an usher or hand out wedding programs. That way she is helping and technically part of the wedding, but it's not a big role.
Reply:Your wedding party is supposed to be made up of people you are close to.





If I were in your situation, I would not put her in the wedding. You are right, behavior like that should not be rewarded. Even though she is still young at twelve, she should know that she shouldn't act that way.
Reply:you should tell her the truth, that you don't want her in your wedding because of the way she acts. If your wedding is a little bit off see if she changes her behavior after you talk to her and then ask her to be in the wedding (but only if things change).
Reply:You need to have your fiance talk to her about her behavior. Kicking you and acting like a brat isn't acceptable for someone's who's 4, never mind 11 years old.





If you made her a junior bridesmaid her only involvement would be to march down the aisle holding flowers and then go sit with her parents. Later she gets a few pictures snapped of her with the wedding party. All things considered, it would be an easy way to smooth over this whole issue. Her parents would have to purchase her outfit, etc.





However, before you do that you need to have an understanding between your fiance and her that she needs to act like a young lady and there will be no more brattiness. Bridesmaids need to act mature because it's an important job, etc. This is the kind of thing your fiance can say (not that it's all true, but it will help put her on the straight and narrow). It's a good way to put a carrot in front of her. She may still be jealous of you, but as a child that's pretty normal. If you act like her friend or older sister, that will help a lot.





As a junior bridesmaid she should not be involved in any of the showers or parties leading up to the wedding.
Reply:You are being so mean to a 12 year old. You were probably that bratty too. Just keep in mind that marriage is supposed to be forever. If its that important to her, just make her a jr bridesmaid. In 20 years, when she's mature and you guys are BFF (family forever) you guys will literally laugh about this time! Trust me, she'll grow up. You both will. You don't want to regret not having her in the wedding.





She is too old to be a flower girl.
Reply:You don't owe her anything especially if she is as horrid as you say. Talk to your fiance' about her behavior (the kicking and pulling hair) that has to be put to a stop ASAP. If your fiance wants to have her in the wedding then he should have her stand for him, she can wear a pretty black and white dress (reminiscent of a tux) and wear a buttonear like the guys.
Reply:Well, at 12 she is the right age for a junior bridesmaid. If his parents are upset that she isn't part of your wedding party, than you might want to keep the peace and go with that option. Then you, your finance, and his parents might want to have a discussion with her about appropriate behavior for a wedding/receptions. However, this is YOUR wedding and only you and your finance can make this decision together.





Are you as a couple paying for it or are you going with "tradition" and having your parents foot the bill? Because if its your money you can just say that for financial reasons you couldn't afford to have a huge bridal party, but you'd like her to help out in some other way, which would be understandable. Not that a 12 year old will get that.





If you decide she's not in the wedding party and she asks why, it might be time for her brother to explain to her that her immature behavior has negative consequences and this is one of them. She's HIS sister and he should be sticking up for you and putting her in her place. Don't forget she's the only girl in a family of boys and she's probably used to being the "princess" in their lives and always getting her way.





You could also try to find other ways for her to be involved in the ceremony and reception. Perhaps she could read a passage for the ceremony? By starting her out with small responsibilities she'll start to learn how to conduct herself in a more appropriate manner; though her parents should be seeing to that not you.





Whatever you decide, its your special day. Try to keep the peace with his family because they are now permanently your family too. But don't do something you feel guilt tripped into by a little brat.