My soon to be in law...... H E L P !?

My fianc'e mother...





she gets into our business... treats us like we are 5 years old... doesnt get along with my mom...IRRITATING the shi* out of me... attention and drama queen... I swear she does things just in spite of me...The other day I went to a bridal show with my mother and she insisted that she went with her sister-in-law... the whole time she was whispering things and making both my mother and I very uncomfortable.... I could go on and on for hours.... I love my fiance more than life, but what can I possibly do. 70% of our fights revolve around this lady. And the worst part about it is that my fiance wont do anything about it because "its his mom".





Another issue is that she is contributing to our wedding a decent amount (flowers, dj, rehearsal dinner) and i dont want to piss her off... The wedding is not for another year, and I do not want her butting into my business, and taking over my wedding!!!!! HELP

My soon to be in law...... H E L P !?
Wow.... I know the kind of pickle you're in... Just let the stuff go in one ear out the other. I thought that my inlaws were trying to sabatoge my wedding. which they aren't paying a dime for.. but that's my problem not yours. You need to sit your f..hubby down and state that she's making it really uncomfortable for you to plan. With him not supporting you it'll make it harder for you to deal with his family.... Take alot of the stuff she says with a grain of salt. Her and her sil didn't have the right to whisper through out the bridal show. You could have missed something important. But I would talk to your fiance and ask him politely to be on your side for this. He is a grown man and doesn't need his mommy to come between you and his relationship.
Reply:No problem Report It

Reply:Okay you and your fianc'e either need to save up or get some credit because once you have people like that paying for things they feel entitled to it. So unless you want her to make judgements about the flowers, dj and rehearsal dinner than I suggest you pay for it on your own. If not then suck it up.





If your man is not going to stand up to his mom, then you got a lot of fun times coming your way. She will always be there and you will always be her business, even more now that you are marrying her son. Theres a way of putting your foot down and making your feelings known without being nasty. You both should have a serious talk and attack the problem "her" head on.
Reply:This is coming from someone who has been there personally and not the coordinator in me try to keep peace and stay cool...my husband's grandmother raised him and I was every name under the sun and not good enough for him...I was trash in her eyes...she and his aunts tried to do everything they could to ruin our wedding and once they realized we were getting married regardless, they went out of their way to plan our wedding the way they wanted it because what we wanted was not good enough and not proper...my mom gave me great advise when she told me to politely accept their suggestions, politely thank them and then do it any damn way we want it!!!! When it comes to their family, there are little things that won't really effect your day you can compromise on like let her do the setting chart, let her pick their mother/son dance, in the big picture of the day, these little things don't matter and she will be satisfied feeling like she is making the decisions and in control
Reply:Welcome to Having In-Laws.





First, are you being overly sensitive? Are you sure the whispering is about you and your mother? Or maybe she was saying to FSIL, "I need to leave, I'm going to have diarrhea" You never know, right?








Second, I completely understand about butting into your business. However, pick and chose your battles with this. If it's something little, let it go. If she's butting into your money issues, sex life, etc...that's crossing the line.





Think of your own mother. Is there things she does that you Fi may consider "butting in". I'm sure she does. She may not be doing this to hurt you, but rather help you. She simply doesn't understand when enough is enough. She just trying to help her child.





Third, don't fight with your Fi over his mother. Most likely, you will lose. Your MIL won't win, but your Fi will refuse to take sides. Nothing will be accomplished this way.





Instead, pick and chose your battles.





As for the money, respect the fact she is helping you out. How about trying to include her more. Take her to lunch and talk to her. Maybe she's not that bad of a women. Maybe you two are just communicating.





Last, don't act like you are right. Would you like it if your Fi felt he was better then your mother? Your mother would probably dislike him for lack of respect and be too arrogant.








I find a lot of DIL and MIL clash because the MIL feels entittled to be right all the time and so does the DIL. So, instead the DIL letting the mother be right 1/2 the time, she insists that she (the DIL) is right 95% of the time. Of course, this is vice versa.
Reply:wow this seem a serious matter, i know it's a hard thing to say, i think it's good to be true, i had my sister's in law same as you, she doesn't like my mum's attitude because of her irrated behaviour which making her feel uncomfortable,by the end my sister's in law tired of this and she did talk with this matter's with my mum's, everythings goes as well as it planned, i hope you the best in settling your matter's, just be brave and speak the truth how do you feel, even it's may hurt somebody else feeling then keeping it for hundred years, you will see her quite often so you might think of this as a motivation not to be scared of any possibility that might happen.
Reply:shes your in law.shes not going anywhere unless you and your finance split.hopefully she'll lighten up soon.
Reply:I really empathize with your situation! I am so sorry : ( My boyfriend's mother is the same way. We have been together for over two years now and she still doesn't want to get to know me. I'll never be good enough for her . . .she is crazy! She doesn't let my boyfriend do anything for himself, yet throws a fit about "having" to do everything for him... I just try my best to ignore her because I know that no matter what I do, she isn't going to approve - AND THAT IS HER PROBLEM! Live your life as you would without her, just let her know that you appreciate everything she does for you and your fiance. KILL HER WITH KINDNESS, thats what my mom and I always say... we send her lots of flowers, lol, goo luck! I hope you have a beautiful wedding!
Reply:dont let her bother you just ignore it once she realizes it doesnt bother you shell get bored! Once you become part of the family it may end and if it doesnt then tell her off! Make sure you tel your husband that you plan to put your foot down! But try to ignore it first and see if it works!
Reply:If you cant find a way to get Along with His Mother your Marriage will not Last Long, Stop worrying about her faults and how annoying she is actually try thinking of solutions, because I doubt your Fiance is going to choose you over His Mom., Think of it this way Without her youd never of met him. and dont go off at her otherwise you'll probably lose your husband, and Dont ignore her either, because that dont always make it better most of the time it makes it worse, All in all if you love your husband you will find a way to get along with his mother regardless what it takes.
Reply:If it tooo bad to handle then have a heart to heart talk with the "in laws" however remember you there is no need in fighting, cause she can never be you and you can never be her, she can not do for him what you can, and you can never take the place of his mom, just chill and deal with them on a as needed bases and never put him in the middle cause you will lose!!!
Reply:Okay. You need to run. And I mean RUN NOW!





If you think this is bad now, just wait until you are married. That's when the fun will start! Can you imagine when you get into a fight and leaves to his mommy's house? Oh Lord!





Girl, I know when someone said this to me, I didn't believe it until it happened.





There WILL be another GOOOOOD man. And there WAS for me.





I was engaged to the very same type of guy you're explaining. Mother ALWAYS in our business. She just couldn't let go. My ex was the only son. If this is true for your man, God help you.





In my case, I left for the military and things just couldn't work out. I sent him tons of money to come and visit, but his MOMMY was having him do things for her. So he was too busy all the time. I couldn't take it. I wasn't going to fight someone's MOMMY for what is SUPPOSE to be a man.





I found my current man; VERY happily 8 years later thank you Jesus! And guess what?! He LOVES his mother! But, he loves her AS A MOTHER. Not as his MOMMY. See, there's a difference. There will never be another woman like a man's mother. But his girl, woman, lady is VERY special and is his Queen.





So a husband SHOULD hold his mother dearly, but his Queen closely.





God bless!
Reply:Well unfortunately honey....no gift comes without strings....or rarely. When you and your fiance agreed to have her pay for part of the wedding, you HAD to have known deep down that it would come with her feeling like she has the RIGHT to put her 2 cents in. So....as for the wedding...you're going to have to find a way to just suck it up and deal with it. Be as polite and kind as possible. If she suggests something that you don't want, just politely say "that isn't really our taste but thank you for the suggestion."





As for AFTER the wedding, however, it's important the 2 of you form your own family unit. That family is more important than anything else. When a man gets married, his mother is no longer the #1 woman in his life....his wife is. Your future husband needs to understand that. That doesn't mean he has to CHOOSE between the 2 of you. A good wife would never put her husband in that position in the first place. BUT it means that he should love you enough to NEVER allow his mother to speak to you disrespecftfully or treat you unkind. He should be man enough to demand that anyone, including his mother, treat you with kindness. Afterall, this is the woman he chose to spend his life with. If his mother can't respect that, then she shouldn't be welcome in his home. It's important you set boundaries early on because once time has passed, it becomes very difficult to create new rules.
Reply:RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply:think about moving as far as you can as soon as you get married this problem is very likely to go on forever so keep her at the edge of your relationship..my mom is like that and if I would not live far away she probably would destroy my marriage.